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Author finds strength through pain in her new book

 

BY CHYNA BROADNAX

CBROADNAX @ STATESVILLE.COM

Phyllis Benton's lively spirit defies her past — childhood abuse, bouts of depression and at­tempted suicide.

Benton shares these painful experiences in a new book titled "Living Nightmares of Abuse."

The cover features a woman sitting in an up­right fetal position because "it exudes a woman depressed, alone and frightened, much like I've been," Benton said.

Even at 53, Benton said, it is difficult for her to digest everything she has endured.

"I didn't realize how much abuse I'd gone through," she said. "As I wrote, I was reliving everything like I was there again."

Writing the book proved to be therapeutic, but that's not why she set out to write it.

Benton hopes other abused women can glean

 

from the book a very important lesson.

"Things can be replaced, but your life can't," she said. "Life is too short to go through abuse."

Benton grew up in a small fishing town in Maine, living with her parents and seven sib­lings.

"We were the poorest family in the town," she said.

When her mother's friend molested her, she jumped out of a second-story window in the family's home to escape.

"I just knew I wanted to get away from him," she said. "I wasn't worried about hurting my­self."

After one abusive relationship failed in New Hampshire, she found herself heading for North Carolina into another relationship with the same characteristics.

AUTHOR: It took a lot to write the book

Those painful incidents have made her stronger and more aware, Benton said.

"Everything happens for a reason," she said. "It brought me to a relationship with my husband."

Benton now lives in Statesville with her husband of nearly four years, David.

He said he has no desire to read her book and learn about the dark sides of her past.

"Some things need to re-main personal, and you don't need to know every personal aspect of the person you're with," David said.

Writing the book has helped Phyllis break out of her shell, he said.

"She's a lot more outspoken than she used to be," he ex­plained. "She used to be afraid somebody would put her down."

Friend Angie Lewis said she has only known Phyllis for a short time but admires her spirit.

"It took a lof for her to write a book about something a lot of people would feel shame over," Lewis. "It was courageous.

"Going through that, I think she's ripened into a better per­son and has grown out from it."

TO GET THE BOOK

"Living Nightmares of Abuse" is available at Amazon.com, Barnes and Nobles and Borders,

CHARLOTTE OBSERVER IREDELL NEIGHBOR--PRESS RELEASE

New Release

 

SHE FINDS HEALING BY WRITING HER BOOK

PHYLLIS BENTON HOPES TO HELP ABUSE VICTIMS

 

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Section: LKN

Edition: THREE

Page: 11n

BRIDGET NESBIT, BYNESBIT@CHARLOTTEOBSERVER.COM

Dateline: STATESVILLE

 

Fight back with a message.

 

That was the only intent Phyllis Benton had when she wrote about the physical, sexual and emotional abuse she suffered as a child.

 

Benton published a book in hopes that it would help other women come out of their own abuse situations. The book, “Living Nightmares of Abuse,” will be released on Jan. 30.

 

Benton chronicles a life in Bass Harbor, Maine, in which she was molested, again while in a foster home. After years of suffering from low self-esteem, she met a man who taught her to value herself.

 

“My husband, David, turned out to be my guardian angel,” Benton said. “That helped me deal with the depression and emotional anxieties.”

 

She says the book is meant to help other women with low self-esteem that are coping with the shame and guilt that comes from living in abuse.

 

“Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence, every nine seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten,” Benton said. “It is so important that a woman in this type of situation not be afraid to tell others so she can get the tools she needs to fight back.”

 

To Read an Excerpt from the book

 

Visit, www.pdbenton.org

 

To purchase the book

 

Go to , www.publishamerica.com

 

It's a hard, hard life

Review by Nan Lincoln www.barharbortimes.com

 

Thursday, February 16, 2006              Bar Harbor Times

 

Applause for Phyllis Benton

To the Editor:

In reading the review regarding Phyllis Benton’s recent book, "Living Nightmares of Abuse, I am reminded of an art critic, Mark VanProyen, whom I worked with closely on the West Coast. He would often say to art students, Receiving someone’s attention is the greatest compliment (and in the art world, attention paid might not always be in the form of applauses.)
As we learn more about neurophysiology and the impact of complex, difficult childhood experiences, we find that bringing about positive change in one’s life is much more demanding than most people imagine. Making good choices may often be a lengthy, involved process of learning new skills (cognitively and emotionally) and the basics of genuinely loving oneself, assimilated over the years.

I applaud Ms. Benton in her renewed life direction and also in writing a book (Bravo!).  May Ms. Benton come to know a life of evolving development as a writer and as a compassionate, capable woman.

Yvonne Maiden
Bar Harbor Times