Help Links

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Domestic Violence Crisis intervention information about Domestic Violence, Referrals to local Services Providers to Victims of Domestic Abuse.  1-800-799-SAFE    1-800-787-3224 TTY      http://www.NCADV.org Domestic Violence Survival Kit   http://www.dvguide.com Violence Against Women Office  http://www.usdoj.gov/ovw/ Safety Zone   Provides Resources and Information  http://www.thesafetyzone.org Safe At Home  Designed to help victims of domestic violence and stalking keep their new address confidential  http://www.ss.ca.gov/safeathome/ National Sexual Assual Hotline Rainn   1-800-656-HOPE    http://www.rainn.org The Broken Spirits Network. E-mail: info@brokenspirits.com   http://www.brokenspirits.com    Broken Spirits Network is an online community and support group that focuses on aiding both current and past victims of child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. The Broken Spirits Network provides a comprehensive state by state list of shelters, hot lines and organizations that can provide help for potential victims. Rape & Sexual Assault Hotline: (212) 227-3000 The Stalking Victim's sanctuary provides insight and information on stalking as well as support and guidance. http://www.stalkingvictims.com/ Verbal Abuse Sites Dr. Iren's comprehensive website on verbal abuse, codependency and love addiction is at: http://www.drirene.com/ Aphrodite Wounded http://www.pandys.org/aphroditewounded/reading.html  Help for women sexually assaulted by partners www.justtell.org  Help Sexually Abused Children http://survivor-archives.squarespace.com/welcome/ The Survivor Archives
Alcohol Abuse Center for Substance Abuse Treatment National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Service 1-800-662-HELP The National Alcohol and Substance Abuse Information Call Center: 1-800-784-6776
ARTICLES THAT I HAVE WRITTEN   A Special Christmas Gift from a Special Lady   After work on Friday, December 8, I went to my mail box to check the mail. Inside the box was a large envelope. I pulled it out—it was addressed to me.   The return address was from my Aunt Phyllis. She is 80 years old. She lives in Maine. For the past few years she has sent me Christmas ornaments that she has hand made. Thinking this was what it was, I was eager to open the package. We had not been in touch for many years before because of the separation of our family. Later, after foster care, my life was so messed up with abusive relationships. I really didn’t know my aunt anymore; we lost touch with each other. I brought the envelope in to the house, usually I let my dog Candy, bring in a piece of the mail but I was excited so I hurried inside. I carefully opened the envelope, using a small steak knife to cut the tape. I pulled out what looked like a piece of denim. I unfolded the material. Inside the material were several small gifts. One gift was a bell ornament that had my name on it. Another was a tea pot made of cardboard. It had a pocket in behind it. Inside the pocket was a tea bag, not an ordinary tea bag, it was a special breakfast tea bag—an English Breakfast Tea. Along with the tea bag there was a note which said, she wished that we could sit and talk about all the news together but since we can’t we can have a cup of tea together and dream. A Christmas pot holder was another gift. On top of that was a poem. The small piece of paper started out as, Smiling Is Infectious, and went on about starting an epidemic to infect the world with a smile. I had tears in my eyes at this point. The next gift I saw was a red Christmas ball with a spider on it. I’m sure you have heard of the Christmas spider. She sent me the story of the Christmas spider wrapped around the ornament. The denim was an organizer with several pockets in it to put items. “Hang me on the wall”, it said in one of the pockets on a piece of paper. “You’d be surprised at all that I will hold”. Every gift had a note or poem attached to it or in a slot or pocket. The most precious gift that was wrapped inside the organizer was a small wrapped gift. It was wrapped in paper, lavender ribbons and white silk flowers. Rolled up—tucked under the ribbon it said, “This is a very special gift that you can never see. The reason it’s so special is it’s just for you from me. Whenever you are lonely or ever feeling blue, you only have to hold this gift and know I think of you. You never can unwrap it. Please leave the ribbon tied. Just hold the box close to your heart. It’s filled with love inside”. My Aunt hand wrote that to me on a piece of paper. She sent me a letter as well. I cherish her letters. They mean the world to me. She said in her letter how excited she was about the new book again. She told me of her son, my cousin, and of the grand and great grandchildren. She said there wasn’t much to tell about there—it was cold but only a few months and then spring. My Aunt Phyllis, a very special lady. I wished that we could have stayed in touch all the years before. She is my inspiration now for writing my new book, a fiction fantasy. She supported me while writing my first book, “Living Nightmares of Abuse”. Like she said, it was a story that needed to be told but now I can concentrate on writing what I really like to write. Aunt Phyllis called me after reading the letter that I had sent to her with a synopsis of my new book. She said she was so excited about the book that she couldn’t wait to write, she had to call me instead. She knew by reading the synopsis what the fantasy was based on—she was right—like I said, she’s a smart lady. She read the synopsis to her great grandchild of ten. He wanted her to go out and buy the book for him the following day. Aunt Phyllis explained to him that the book was not finished yet. She told me that she has already sold several copies of my book. She has truly inspired me to finish my new book soon. My Aunt Phyllis knows the true meaning of Christmas. It is the gift of love. There is no better gift to give. I will always cherish her gift, I dearly love her too. Living Nightmares of Abuse is available through my publishing company at http://www.publishamerica.com or other on line book stores. Inside the cover feature at http://www.amazon.com Also available at http://www.bn.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Phyllis_Benton     Survivor of Abuse by Phyllis Benton Women all over the world experience physical and emotional pain from their abusers. So alone and afraid to tell anyone what is happening. Each time it happens, the numbness is stronger. Emotionally drained--you can't feel the physical pain anymore. Degraded and feeling inadequate you go on. Afraid to leave--afraid of being followed and stalked--afraid you will be destroyed completely. Feeling you will always be in this abusive situation--there is no way out--you want to call it quits for good. Based on my own personal experiences of abuse, I know what it's like to be a victim of abuse. I felt at one point I couldn't go on. I felt alone and that there was no other way out but to end it all. I had no fight left and gave up. Luckily I did not suceed in trying to take my own life. I now was more determined to fight back. How dare he do this to me and get away with it. It was frightening to think of leaving all alone but not as frightening as to get away before he distroyed any chance I had of living a normal life and a chance of happiness. I made the decision to stand and not be knocked down anymore. If you are an abused victim, be strong and fight back. There are help hot lines, shelters for battered woman, and help from your local law enforcement agency. Call family or friends. Tell them about your abuser. There are websites to visit to help you understand your feelings and regain your confidence. You don't have to do this alone.  Plan ahead before you make your move. Have friends or family have personal belongings waiting for you after you leave your abuser. Have maps, phone numbers, and or directions in tack to safe homes before leaving. You may want to leave that information with someone whom you trust and retrieve it after leaving.  Don't leave while your abuser is there--wait until he is gone.  Don't give him any indication that you plan to leave. Play along to keep him calm.  Have a lawofficer to go with you or come to the home incase he should return while you are leaving.  If you have to leave your belongings behind in order to be safe, do it. It can be replaced but your life can't. If you have no family or friends to stay with, find a safe home.  Don't give out your location or phone number to anyone unless you are certain that they can be trusted.  Always have some one with you when you go out.  Get help from counseling --don't try to face this alone.  I got my life back now but for years I still had nightmares of the abuse. Eventually the nightmares disappeared. All the years of my life wasted because I let it happen to me. The longer you stay in an abusive situation, the harder it becomes to leave and the more pulled down you become. I have accomplished so much now that I am no longer in an abusive situation. I have my self-esteem and confidence back. I feel as though I can conquer the world. It's a good feeling.
Life after abuse, there is a rainbow  by Phyllis Benton   Women are ten times more likely than men to be victimized. Battered women have more than twice the health care needs and more costly than those who have never been battered. Women who were victimized as a child are more likely to attract men who are abusive or they are abusive themselves. Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence. Every 9 seconds in the U.S. a woman is assaulted or beaten.   As a child of twelve I was a victim of child molestation. In a foster home, as a teen, I was physically abused. Seven years of my life, I endured physical, sexually, verbal abuse from an abuser. Finally escaping , I found myself attracted again to an abuser. Not looking for the warning signs, I spent nine more years of my life in another abusive relationship. I decided I wasn't going to let that happen again.   I was awakened on my birthday with my husband singing happy birthday to me. He whispered happy birthday in my ear.   Five years ago I met a man that was unlike any of the men I had ever been involved with. He intimidated me at first. I almost passed him by because I was afraid of getting into another abusive relationship. He told me stories and I questioned if they were true, I was so used to being lied to. Some how this man was different and I felt it was so right. He was so laid back and didn't let much upset him.   We laughed and talked and it felt good. We wanted the same things in life, happiness, loving each other and working together to achieve those things. We had good communication. He told me the truth about everything even if he felt I wouldn't like it, he was honest. He was so none abusive in any way.   He encouraged me to do the things I wanted and not to do anything that I was uncomfortable with. He encourage me to be myself and go after the things he knew I wanted. I now know the true meaning of love, and loving. With so many accomplishments in the past five years, I am a lucky person to have such  a wonderful husband.   Watch for warning signsof abuse and steer away. Some of these signs to watch for are:   Intense jealousy of friends or family. Yelling, shouting and intimidation. Controlling behavior and persitent put downs. Shows severe mood swings. Has poor self-image and blames others for problems. Unemployed. Shows cruelty to animals. Abuse of alcohol or other substances and other unexplained behavior. It is so easy for women that have been in abusive relationships to attract men and be attracted to abusive men. Women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons.   Where will I go and how will I support myself? So emotional torn apart that nothing seems real and you can't hink rational anymore. Mental abuse has left you at rock bottom. Fear that your partner will follow and stalk you. Not being able to find a job. Ties to home and belongings. Fear of the unknown. Don't let yourself be a victim. Get help and get away from the abuse. There are safe homes and help lines for abuse victims. Have a happy ending like I have.
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